Dear Mom & Dad

I want to write this to remind people of how blessed we are to have our mother and or father. I cringe now when I see people write "I hate my mom" or "I can't stand my dad!". I've been there. I've changed. I know there are exceptions and some parents are actually evil. Just read my story and consider your parents again.


"Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or more attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honor. And out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say, "my Lord! bestow on them Thy Mercy, even as they cherished me in childhood."
Qur'an, 17. 24

1989, Toronto

❤ السلام عليكم و رحمة الله و بركاته  

This is the only picture of my mom and dad together. It was taken when I was conceived. I was born June 22nd 1990. See, my parents were never officially together. No. No marriage. No 'real' relationship. My dad was in love with the woman he is now happily married to. My mom met my dad in at a concert in Toronto. How am I here? Was it a mistake? (I liked to think). Perhaps it was a mistake at the time. My dad said that they used protection but I was that 1 percent from 99.9. Allah's will made me be. My mom made a choice, my biggest blessing being my life. She chose to continue my life after Allah granted it to her. I consider my being a complete miracle, as anyone's life is. My story is special to me. It is what has reminded and pushed me to be and do the best that I can in my life.

My Mom
Where do I begin? She's my mom. The single and first thing I think above anything else, the most important thing is the very fact that she is my mother. She loved me. She made me what I am. She helped me grow. She protected me and encouraged me to be whoever I wanted to be. She was never biased or judgemental. She is an extremely open minded and care free person. She is independent and strong, raising my brother and I alone for many years of our lives. She is true to her friends and did what she could to make my brother and I smile on Christmas or our birthdays. I'm proud to say I picked up her positive qualities. She like any other person is human and has her own problems in life. It’s not her fault for her choices that I resented her for. I grew up and got angry at my mom. We never had a friendship. We were always distant. My mom never shared stories with me. She was quiet about her past and I still to this day don't know about my mom before I entered her life. I feel she's been hurt, betrayed, and has struggled. Whatever her reason for not sharing I don't mind anymore. We've grown to have a mutual understanding on what to share and what not. We’ve learned how to over come our problems and how to express our gratitude. I wasn't the nicest daughter either. I don't really know what I was thinking but I was just always angry at my mom. Maybe it was because I didn't have my dad around? Or it was because my brother always got 'more things'? Perhaps it was just my teen angst? Possibly it was the fact I never thought like my mom. I have always been different in the sense of interests and personality within my family. I always liked strange things that my mom and I could never bond over and it continued liked this for ever until I started getting older. She cheated on her husband and that's when I swore I'd never forgive her. I was so mad at her. She ruined my last year of high school. She made me leave my home I was comfortable in for the past 7 years. She took away what my youngest brother could have had that my other brother and I couldn't. She above all did what she had to for her own bliss. She was unhappy. She couldn't find happiness with her husband. I kind of understand now, though I don't agree 100%, I think she should have worked harder, but it's her life. She is happy now and it makes me happy to see her doing what she has wanted to with her life. We have had many disagreement's but we forgave and gotten over our differences. The best thing about my mom is that she doesn't care as long as I'm happy. She knows I'm smart and she sent me a card telling me she was proud of my choices. This broke down my walls. My mom took the step to tell me she was sorry and I knew that she knew I was Muslim. My mom is a stubborn person too so for her to send me this was a big step for her. I forgave that day. I took time to understand her. I asked for Allah’s help as well. She may tease me or tell me I'm just in a phase but she's there by my side no matter what. It's true. Our mother's are strong but I believe they're weak when it comes to their children. Anyone who has a problem with their mom please try and figure out your issues. Forgive and talk. Don't be afraid because what you fear she could very well fear the same. It's all about communication and understanding. You’d be surprised at how much we know our own mother’s without really knowing them. We like to assume things as well. That they will hate us for our choices but I feel that they want to help above anything else if we go to them.

My Dad
I remember flipping through my childhood photo album one day when I was 8 or 9. I always saw this ‘woman’ with crazy long hair in a part of the album. For some reason I asked my mom who it was and she told me, “That’s you dad”. My reaction was simply, “How? So Greg is not my father?” It was probably hard for my mother but I’m glad she was brave. After the confrontation I met my dad that year. I don’t ever remember taking it badly. I was excited and I had a little sister I was about to meet. My dad is a musician; he plays in a rock band. He’s also an artist. I got my drawing talent from him. These aspects of him made me more excited to know that he was my dad. Since our annual meetings I grew fond of him. As I got older I looked up to him more and more despite our lack of keeping in touch. He’s a very sincere guy. He sacrificed many things in his life for his love. I respect him for that despite not staying with my mom. I never cared or wished that they were together. I love his wife too. She’s an incredible woman and I also look up to her. She’s strong, intelligent, and beautiful. They have morals, values, and they’re very devoted parents. They struggle but their love keeps them together. I admire that and want that. They're like the ideal family. The kids are great too. My siblings (two sisters and a brother) are so intelligent, loving, and honest. The most amazing thing is that my mom gets along with my dads family. We’re all friends and get together for family gatherings. I just have one big, messed up, happy family. My dad is the one who shares stories with me. We’re both artistic and we can sit and chat for hours about anything and everything. I don’t blame him either for not being around. I guess my other Dad (Greg, the one that raised me, brother's father) wouldn’t allow Dana to see me. He tried since I was very young but Greg was jealous and worried I wouldn’t think of him as my dad too. My grandmother used to visit me and my brother when we were young when Greg was not around. The name ‘Skip’ was embedded in my brain and that woman was actually my grandmother. I knew my dads family always loved me and struggled to be apart of my life but matters would not allow. I wish my dad and I could have spent more time but like my mom we have a mutual understanding. We live busy lives and it’s hard to plan to get together when we’re busy. It’s creepy too with my dad. He was not present in my life for 9 years but the resemblance in our personalities is uncanny. It freaks me out proving the personality traits and talents are in fact hereditary. You can have a bond with a person without even knowing them. Just the fact that they’re family brings you both together.

My parents on Islam
They both know I’m a Muslim. I never told them straight up that I was Muslim but I have talked with my dad about morals and religion with Fahad before so I think he got it then. He respects any living being and does not argue any belief. He has his own beliefs but will not bash others. His wife is Christian in fact while he is an atheist, his parents being strong Catholics. He’s so accepting and I think no matter who I was or what I believed he would love me and never criticize. He’s just so non-judgemental and it’s the coolest. I for sure get my open mind from him. My mom on the other hand, like any mother, worried about my involvement with Muslims and a Muslim boy. They’re known to be ‘abusive’. I had a big conversation via FB messaging and talked about Islam with my mom’s best friend. She works with abused women and I’m sure she told my mom some unrealistic facts. My room mate in University as well was a high school friend who did not agree with religions or Islam. She too likely poisoned my mom’s mind, scary her as she did not get along with Fahad. Cannot forget the news too and 9-11. My mom was simply ignorant on the issue. I also would cry to her when I had relationship problems so her view was distorted. However, Alhamdulillah, she knows. It was not shown through just the card but on Christmas when my bother said I can’t get presents because I was Muslim (in a fun sibling tease). I then opened it up on Facebook with hijab pictures, my religious status, my posts/statuses. Both of them have seen clearly that I am in fact a Muslim. It’s just not a topic we discuss because Islam is personal to me. If my mom or dad do not wish to ask then I will not discuss it. Nothing more was said and it’s evident that my family is fine. I was always a little scared that my mom would not accept but things work for me in time. If it will happen it naturally just happens and it did with us. I ignored my mom for a little while out of anger but things fell into place.

Do not forget your roots, your family, or your parents. These people gave you life. They chose to have you and loved you. It may not seem like it sometimes but they really do love you. Islam has taught me this and through Allah's grace I have learned to respect and love my parents.